Resources

What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce. 
— Wallerstein and Blakeslee.  Hyperion, 2003

Probably the best reference for couples who want to put their kids first.  It details multiple situations and stages in the divorce process as well as addressing developmental stages in kids’ lives.  Judith Wallerstein has perhaps more research, writing and teaching experience about this subject than anyone else on earth.  Like most books on divorce, however, it relies heavily on the author’s opinions, without substantiating scientific reference.  Nonetheless, it’s a “must” read.

Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure your Family, Resolve Legal Issues and Move on with Your Life.
— Tesler and Thompson.  Harper Collins, 2006

Quite a good reference for those couples who want to work collaboratively as opposed to competitively.  Written by two women, a lawyer and a psychologist, it outlines a step-by-step approach to both understanding and dealing with conflict and competing interests.  Contains an example contract that might be brought to your attorney(s).  Fairly light on handling custody issues and as always in this genre, heavy on opinion, light on references.

Helping Children Cope with Divorce. Revised Edition
— Teyber, 2001, John C. Wiley & Sons

Well written by a professor of psychology and practicing family therapist, this book is short , well organized and to the point. It addresses both children’s developmental phases as well a number of situational issues facing parents. Each chapter ends with a suggested list for further reading, but there is no attempt to substantiate the author’s strongly held opinions about parenting.

The Divorce Source Book: Protect Yourself with Must Know Information.  Third Edition.
— Berry. McGraw Hill, 2007

Written by a female attorney, this is a concise reference on legal issues, and as the title suggests is more oriented toward an adversarial divorce than a collaborative one.  Nonetheless has a large reference section which we used extensively in developing our “links,” and also lists divorce statutes in each state.

Divorce for Dummies:  A Reference for the Rest of Us.  Second Edition.
— Ventura and Reed.  Wiley, 2005

As in most books in this “Dummy” series, it covers a lot of ground, but fairly superficially.  Two financial writers, one an attorney, and one, the director of a public relations firm, take on many of the challenging financial and property issues involved in a divorce.  There is one brief chapter on child custody focused almost solely on legal issues.  The book is mentioned here because it does reference the Kids Stay concept using the trivializing “bird nesting” term on page 162.  The authors are dismissive suggesting this is at best a temporary solution.

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study
— Wallerstein, Lewis, Blakeslee.  Hyperion, 2000

In a compelling first person account, Judith Wallerstein takes us through a twenty-five year period in the lives of many of her subjects in this amazing longitudinal, qualitative study on the effect of divorce on kids.  If you start this book, you probably won’t put it down; and expect it to knot your stomach.  Wallerstein believes that even in a dysfunctional marriage, it is better for kids (in most instances) if parents remain together rather than divorce.  One of the problems with her study is that it was conducted in the rarified atmosphere of Marin County, California.  The demographics and life-styles in Marin may be somewhat unique.  Nevertheless, this is a worthy read and indirectly it makes a strong case for a Kids Stay solution if divorce is inevitable.

If you have other reading suggestions, please forward them to us.  This is just a small sample of recent literature that we have read.

Links

Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee of the
ABA Family Law Division
740 Fifteenth Street NW
Washington DC 20005-1009
202-662-1690
http://www.abanet.org/
Support for family mediation and arbitration.

American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
150 N. Michigan Avenue, Suite 2040
Chicago IL 60601
312-263-6477
http://www.aaml.org
Attorneys specializing in family law.

American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy Research and Education
112 S. Alfred Street
Alexandria VA 22314-3061
703-838-9809 or 800-347-2638
http://www.aamft.org
Referrals to local marriage and family therapists and a guide to marriage and family therapy.

American Bar Association/Section on Dispute Resolution
740 15th Street NW
Washington DC 20005-1009
202-662-1680
http://www.abanet.org/dispute/home.html
Division of the American Bar Association specific creative dispute resolution including educational programs, technical assistance, and publications.    

American Bar Association/Section on Family Law
321 N. Clark Street
Chicago IL 60610
312-988-5145
http://www.abanet.org/family/home.html
Help finding attorneys and legal resources about divorce and child-sharing.

American Divorce Association for Men (ADAM)
3000 Town Center, Suite 1300
Southfield MI 48075
248-356-2326
http://www.mens-divorce.com/attorneys.html
Promotes reform in divorce laws and encourages counseling, mediation, education and related services.  Lawyer referral lists and a newsletter.

American Family Therapy Academy, Inc.
1608 Twentieth Street NW, Fourth Floor
Washington DC 20009
202-438-8001
http://afta.org
Leading family therapy teachers, clinicians, program directors and policy makers, researchers, and social scientists, dedicated to advancing systemic thinking and practices for families in their social context.

Association for Children for Enforcement of Support, Inc.
ACES National
3474 Raymont Blvd. 2nd Floor
University Heights OH 44118
1-678-318-1481
http://www.childsupport-aces.org
Purportedly the largest child support organization in the U.S.  Their site suggests that 88% of ACES members collect child support within 6 months of joining.

Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
6526 Grand Teton Plaza
Madison WI 53719
606-664-3750
http://www.afccnet.org
Judges, attorneys, mediators, counselors and others concerned with resolution of family disputes and effects on children.  Publishes a newsletter, a directory and a journal and other superb documents specific to shared parenting and dispute resolution.

The Beginning Experience
1657 Commerce Drive
South Bend IN 46628
574-283-0279 or 886-610-8877
http://www.beginningexperience.org
Catholic support programs for divorced adults and children for divorced parents.

Children’s Rights Council
8181 Professional Place Suite 240
Landover MD 20785
301-459-1220
http://www.crckids.org
Supports joint custody, accord between divorced parents. Advocates mediation and conducts various programs and services to achieve these goals.  Maintains databases, resource and information lists.  Numerous publications for those working to promote the rights of children.

Divorce Care
220 S. Allen Road
P. O. Box 1739
Wake Forest NC 27588
800- 489-7778
http://www.divorcecare.com
Network of divorce support groups with a Christian religious base.  Hundreds of groups across the country, searchable by zip code or city.

Divorce Magazine
2255B Queen Street East, Suite 1179
Toronto ON M4E 1G3 Canada
416-368-8853
http://www.divorcemagazine.com
Advertisement support listing by states of lawyers, mediators, laws, etc.

Family Resources Database
3989 Central Avenue NE
Minneapolis MN 55421
763-781-9331- or 888-781-9331
http://www.ncfr.org
Provides references to literature and information on programs and services offered by other organizations.

Foundation for Grandparenting
108 Farnham Road
Ojai CA 93023
http://www.grandparenting.org
Founded by child psychiatrist, grandparent and author, Arthur Kornhaber, the site provides information, publications, classes and speakers’ bureau dedicated to increasing public awareness of the importance of grandparents in children’s lives.

Grandparents’ Rights Organization
100 W. Long Lake Road, Suite 250
Bloomfiled Hills MI 48304
248-646-7177
http://www.grandparentsrights.org
Founded by attorney, Richard Victor.  Education and advocacy to assist grandparents who have been denied visitation with grandchildren.

Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts
24901 Northwestern Highway, Suite 710
Southfield MI 48075
800-875-1760 or 989-631-3605
https://www.institutedfa.com
Certifies, educates, and promotes the use of specially-trained finance professionals in the divorce arena.  Provides searchable referral by zip or city.

National Association of Child Care
Resource and Referral Agencies
3101 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 350
Arlington VA 22201
703-341-4100
http://www.naccrra.org
Information and resources for parents, including special military programs.

National Organization of Single Mothers
P. O. Box 68
Midland NC 38107-0068
704-888-5437
http://www.singlemothers.org
Provides resources, information, a website, and publications.

Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE)
P. O. Box 910014
San Diego CA 92191
760-736-1660
http://www.wife.org
Not for profit offering classes and seminars on financial issues surrounding divorce,.  Publications and advocacy.  Offers free bumper sticker, “A man is not a plan.”